Coronavirus: the curse against connectivity.

Whilst it seems that the difficult times of Coronavirus are (hopefully) coming to an end, we continue to deal with new variants, case numbers rising, the extension of release dates from lockdown and the media spinning another potential lockdown come winter. I wonder how the way the government and media has dealt with Coronavirus has affected you?

I know for me, it has been hell. I disagree with how it has been handled. I see it as having been (in some ways) worse for society than letting the disease run rampant. I appreciate that is quite a shocking statement for those that have been directly affected by Coronavirus; whether you’ve been sick yourself, or lost someone prematurely to the disease. Myself, I lost someone very dear to me, and didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.

With my understanding of wellness, I believe we underestimate the power of the human immune system and our ability to defend ourselves and overcome disease (when supported in the right way). Yes, we need to protect the vulnerable. However, if we applied a deeper understanding of our innate tendency to wellness, and worked to support our immune systems, rather than hiding from a virus that cannot be seen or (clearly) controlled, we would have had a much better chance of managing it and its manifestations. The economy, people’s lives and importantly here, our collective mental health, would not be in tatters. According to research conducted by the charity Mind, 1 in 4 adults, and more than 1 in 6 young people, experienced mental distress for the first time during the pandemic. This is in addition to those already experiencing mental health problems.

Figures now suggest that one third of the population who contract Coronavirus don’t even know they have it or that they are spreading it. What is it about these people that means they are able to defend themselves from the disease altogether? The answer is inherent in the 11 pillars of health, which we teach on the Men:tal Health Getaway.

The government have understandably tried to curtail the disease; however, they have failed to realise that it may not directly impact the majority of the population. Yes, it has severely impaired many people’s lives who have contracted it, for a varying period of time (consider long COVID), but it certainly doesn’t kill all that contract it. Indeed, it is worth saying that it may have impacted more people’s lives if we had not taken these measures. However, in our government’s choice of response to the disease, being for all people to hide away from it, I believe we’ve replaced the sickness that only some people would have experienced, with a sickness rife in the entire population. What is this sickness? Isolation, fear of others and fear of the very essence of being human, which is the need for connection.

I’m currently reading the Mars and Venus series of books by the ingenious John Gray. The original book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” has to be one of the most insightful pieces of writing I have ever read. It has not only helped me understand why a recent relationship broke down, but it has helped me to understand myself, and my needs, on a whole new level. If only we were taught these insights as children, I believe the world would be a less isolated place, with greater forgiveness, for ourselves and others, better communication and mutual understanding.

The premise of the Men:tal Health Getaway mission is to instil the fact that there is definitely not one cause of depression, it is multi-factorial; however, John Gray’s ideas of the causes of depression do have merit and I can wholly resonate.

He suggests the cause of depression in women is isolation. When I read this, it was as if a lightbulb was turned on in my mind. Whilst I think this is true of us all, for women it is the feeling of having to do it all and no-one being there for them. Isolation is something that has been grossly exacerbated beyond our wildest imaginations through the reaction of the government to Coronavirus. I realised that isolation is the major issue that I continue to face as I try to rebuild my life, and connections, only to face yet more cancellations at the hands of the lockdown extensions. As a self-employed woman with many businesses, who lives on her own, works on her own and is single, Coronavirus has been beyond difficult. I do have to do it all. There are other external reasons why it has been a double whammy for me, which are related to the other pillars of health, and which are to follow in another blog. However, I am blessed with the knowledge and experience of the teachings I offer on the Men:tal Health Getaways and by implementing them, they continue to help me find a path through.

This revelation about the cause of depression in women really struck a chord with me. Whilst it was originally my mission to deal with mental health in men, I do hope this insight is useful in your own relationships, with all the females in your life whether it be a partner, sister, mother, daughter, friend or colleague.

What you probably want to know is what John Gray sees as the major cause of depression in men. He believes it is the need to be needed, utilised and appropriately appreciated. I wonder if this resonates with you? How has this sense of usefulness played out in your relationships?

In a culture where women are able to go to work and have a family, the relationship and cultural dynamics have shifted to a place where women don’t need men in the same way, i.e. to provide money, a home and protection. Women can provide for themselves. I wonder whether this has contributed to the demise of many relationships and the rise in separation rates. This is certainly John Gray’s view in “Beyond Mars and Venus”, which covers modern day relationships and is an updated version of his previous book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, which was published in 1992. He suggests that as our needs have evolved in this ever-changing world, we must learn new ways to communicate with each other to give, and get, what we desire in a partnership. Gray suggests that what we are seeking in a relationship these days is more of a ‘soul mate’ connection rather than a ‘role mate’ of a generation ago. I cannot recommend enough the Mars and Venus series.

Connection and relationships are part of one of the 11 pillars of health, which we discuss on the Men:tal Health Getaways, and therefore they are a critical key to wellness and building a balanced and happy life.

I look forward to seeing you on our Men:tal Health Getaways to give you the tools to help you through difficult times like these and to provide you with greater insights into hacking your mind, body and life.

Well wishes,

Andie x